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The Counterfeit – A Road Block to the Real Thing!
Ladies, I’m going to start this article with a confession – I’m a shopaholic! Shopping for shoes is one of my favorite pastimes. Later, during one of my shopping sprees, I got the content of this article. At one of my favorite department stores, I found an absolutely gorgeous pair of “name brand” pointy-toed brown ankle boots with a narrow 3-inch heel that happened to be on sale. To my surprise, on the same shelf was an identical pair of brown ankle boots of an “unknown brand” whose price was fifty percent less. I tried them both on – both were equally attractive and both seemed comfortable. The main difference was that the “brand” was made of leather, while the “no-name brand” was a completely artificial material. The skin was indeed more flexible, elastic and soft; however, I decided to buy the one that would save me the most money.
The next day, I put on my no name brand boots and headed out for a busy day at work followed by an eventful social night that required me to be on my feet for several hours. By mid-afternoon, I was beginning to regret my decision to buy a shoe with no name. My legs started to hurt so much! The longer I stood on my feet, the denser this artificial material became. I started thinking about how soft and supple the “name” shoes felt on my feet, and I started thinking about one of the characteristics of the leather. The leather usually softens with wear rather than tightening. Oh, how I truly regret spending the extra dollars on designer shoes because they cost me more in other areas in the long run. What looked good and felt good at first was now causing me so much pain. I had to face the discovery that I had agreed to a fake.
I decided to go back and buy the “name brand” shoes, but you guessed it, they were out of stock. Ladies, how many of us have “missed out” on experiencing the real thing by settling for a fake?
During one of my conversations with my spiritual mother, Eloise Rump, about my desire for companionship, she said, “Child, be alert! The fake always appears before the real one!” I chuckled to myself and said, “Well, really, I should get the real thing soon because I’ve had a few encounters with the fake. Little did I know that the “last fake” experience was just around the corner!
Ladies, have you ever met a man who you thought was your “soulmate”? He had all the characteristics on your “romantic wish list.” You know that list of must-haves that we mentally pull out when we meet a man! The first and foremost requirement on my “wish list” is spirituality – He must have a relationship with God. Well, this man “quoted the scriptures” and spoke tenderly of the Lord. Madam, I have come to understand that the mere citation of Scripture is not infallible proof that one has a “personal” relationship with God; the real measure is if the person lives/lives what they say.” Call me Missouri, show me and tell me too!
My second requirement is that he should have a decent enough job. Well, he had an extremely high six-figure salary, so that requirement was exceeded. He undoubtedly had the best personal possessions—a nice house, a luxury car, and other nice amenities. While I love nice things, this requirement is not at the top of my list. However, at this point in my life, financial security is important to me, and he obviously fit the bill.
Of course, my third requirement is that I prefer it to be beautiful. I consider myself an attractive sister, so I want someone to compliment me. I know it sounds like vanity, but please admit it girls, most of us dream of having Denzel Washington or Shemar Moore in our lives. Remember, this is my “wish list”! Girls, I have to tell you that this man is good, good, good! In my opinion, his features are comparable to Denzel Washington, but a little darker, and his build is like Ving Rhimes, both of which are on my hot list! (I’m single – I can dream!)
Last but not least, one of my top qualities is that my potential partner must be a great conversationalist! I love a great conversation – it inspires me when a man can clearly express his feelings to me! I love a man who is confident and confident. I love a person who is wise and inculcates pearls of wisdom that enrich my life. Well, madam, this man stimulated me intellectually with his wide range of knowledge on national, international and cultural affairs. Oh my goodness, it turned out perfect, as did my no name boots. But over time I realized that what seemed to be “perfect” was actually a fake.
The first revelation was that although this man appeared brave and confident and as if he was in complete control of his life, he was carrying baggage from his past. A person who has not forgiven, forgotten and given his past will not let go of himself to start something new. He didn’t give himself permission to love without restraint again – the way he loved before that “one” hurt him. In fact, he made a vow that no one would ever get close enough to him to EVER hurt him again like she did, so he is protected by a protective shield. He has what I described in my first book, The Art of Forgiveness – The Tortoise Mentality. He only sticks his head out and then backs off or raises a red flag when he finds his attachments run too deep. His behavior is inconsistent – one day he is loving, kind, smiling and chatty. However, without warning, you don’t get calls from him for days – he doesn’t call you, he doesn’t email you, he doesn’t text you – nothing. Face it ladies, you can’t compete with a ghost. Yes, I said ghost! Merriam Webster (online) defines “ghost” as the spirit of a dead person, especially one believed to appear in the bodily likeness of living persons or to haunt former residences. Answers.com defines a “ghost” as a memory or image that returns.
What I’m trying to say is when you interact with this person; in fact, three people are always present – you, he and she (ghost). Even though the relationship seems dead, her memories are very much alive. This looming image, and the remnants of the pain she caused earlier, come back to haunt him and affect his potential relationships. There may be a look, a word, an act—unbeknownst to you—that may cause him to go into that shell because it resembles “her.” An attempt to confirm his actions may sound like this: “I’m happy with my life as it is, I don’t have to answer to anyone but myself, and I’m cool with that!” Another explanation: “I went out with ‘my boys’ to shoot some rings.” My interpretation of these rejections is, “I like you and I’m afraid you might get too close and hurt me like she did; i can’t let that happen so i’d rather avoid you and spend time with “my boys” , or in the case of my fake, he spent time with his kid. Both incidents, whether spending time with the “boys” or the child, are retreats to safety and do not require you to risk your feelings! However, as women, we experience rejection as rejection, which puts us on an emotional rollercoaster because we don’t know what to do with this sudden change in behavior. We look for some flaw in ourselves that could have made him retreat; unaware of the unsolved problems that he carries, and about which he did not inform you – in any case it is verbal.
In any case, if he does not try to establish a relationship; no REAL relationship; it is fake; and before you know it, it will start to make you feel as uncomfortable as my shoes with no name. The longer you stay in a situation, the more stressful it will become. The denser it becomes; the more pain and hurt you will feel. But if you wait for the “real thing”, it will be soft and supple – easy to handle and a joy to be around. No relationship is without problems; but when you have two committed people who are ready and willing to work together without baggage or ghosts, you will have a comfortable fit that will last a long time. Women, don’t settle for a fake. As the late duo Marvin Gaye and Tammy Terrell put it, “Ain’t Nothing Like The Real Thing, Baby!” Wear the right shoes for your trip!
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