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Maternal Rejection – Mom, Why Did You Mess Up My Sex Life?
While the father’s contribution to children’s sexual development and maturity is important, so is the mother’s role. The key word is compassion. Mothers are forced to educate and show compassion – not sympathy, but empathy. This aspect of motherly love develops proper sexual identity and the ability to share. If mothers do not show closeness through compassion, children cannot mature in this area with their future partners. The result can be sexual deviations and excessive needs that shake the children’s stability, identity and values. Right and wrong become blurred boundaries.
When mothers call their children sexually immature, they develop a fascination with one sex. Such children begin to compare their genitalia with others. This leads to sexual experimentation too early in life.
Some supposedly liberated mothers entertain their children with pornographic films, destroying their views on sexual propriety for life. One man who came here for ministry told how his mother masturbated him and engaged in oral sex with him from the tender age of one. He was unable to form strong sexual relationships in a godly way. In some cultures, this practice is common – for both sexes.
Is it a boy or a girl?
Implying that children have too many qualities of the opposite sex is another form of rejection. This often results in a role reversal. Some children are gifted in areas more suitable for the opposite sex, and in most cases they should be encouraged to develop such talent.
We know of one young man who was gifted in creating clothing for men and women from the age of twelve. His mother rejected this gift, considering it feminine. “This is his feminine side,” she repeated more than once. She said it so often that his feminine side really came out. She treated his brother in a similar way. The day came when two brothers contacted my colleague and asked him to marry them! He, of course, refused. Another pastor agreed.
Distorted ideas of sex
The next type of denial is when mothers tell their sons about their sexual desires, causing a distorted sexual desire. One mother told her sons in detail how and why she likes to have sex with black men. They became obsessed with the shape and sexuality of these men.
A common mistake that makes guys feel rejected is, “Don’t cry now. This is not a man’s act.” For both boys and girls, men and women, releasing pent-up emotions in tears is healthy and appropriate. The body’s poisons are released in a way that only crying can do. Why should shame burden people who cry? Jesus wept.
These boys are forced to hide their pain, which reaches a tragic climax. Such behavior is a chainsaw that brutally rips their insides.
More rejection from mom
Another big mistake is the following words: “This is something for moms only. Little boys don’t know that boys can’t be mothers.” Instead of explaining the different roles, such mothers make blanket statements that limit mothers to certain activities. This causes a fixation in the heads of boys. They may start dressing and acting like mom. They can apply lipstick.
Mothers may make other generalizations. “Girls should always stay at home. The guys go out and work.” This is an incorrect definition of roles and does not allow for any individual differences or special situations.
“Washing dishes is a woman’s job.” Washing, vacuuming, cleaning and raising children are not the exclusive sphere of activity of women. Comrades share responsibility. When children cannot fit into stereotypical roles, they feel rejected.
Mothers can cause high levels of frustration in their children due to unrealistic expectations in the sexual, mental, or spiritual realms. A mother can expect her children to date until the age of twelve or thirteen. If they don’t have that desire, they feel rejected. They do not meet the false standard. It is especially difficult for girls.
My colleague consulted with a girl whose mother beat her. why She dated the same guy three times and was still a virgin. “Aren’t you smart enough to get a man into bed?” The mother’s words of refusal were followed by severe beatings. The result can be aggressive behavior of such children, even violence against themselves. At least the sexual fire of adolescence can burn uncontrollably when this type of rejection occurs.
Some mothers find it difficult to establish relationships with the opposite sex. They divorce their husbands, forbidding children to communicate with their father. They are not going to meet other men, they just have women who visit the house. Children are confused about their gender identity.
Mommy’s girls or boys?
Calling a girl a tomboy is another form of rejection and labelling. The fact that some girls are more ambitious and have different interests than other girls is no reason to call them boys. They find it difficult to perceive themselves as housewives and whole people and cannot properly submit to their husbands. They can be domineering and can even emotionally castrate their husbands. They behave aggressively towards men and use degrading language towards other women. They develop unrealistic expectations and, unless other factors neutralize the curse, they may end up committing suicide at an early age.
Mothers should support daughters who are more adventurous by encouraging them to pursue their interests. This will allow these girls to settle down later and be at peace with themselves. Mothers should encourage these daughters to see themselves as curious women, not flawed men. Otherwise, they will always strive for something and will never be satisfied. They become self-centered, unhappy partners and authoritative mothers.
Pantywaists – Wasted Manhood
One of my cousin’s favorite epithets he liked to call other boys was, “You pansy!” You have heard similar inscriptions: pantywaist, sissy, family wallflower, sucky-pants. Moms who curse their boys with such words destroy their courage and self-confidence, making them feel like freaks.
Parents are usually unaware of the fact that this lack of strength in their boys is caused by early childhood trauma. And not many moms have access to our trauma release through the blood of Jesus seminar. We explain the seven traumas that Jesus endured for us, opening the way to freedom in a special relationship.
God’s people are indeed, as the Word says, destroyed for lack of knowledge. Thus, uninformed mothers label their boys as sissies or weaklings. These labels of rejection create sexual confusion, rejection, and attraction. They are unable to show courageous leadership throughout their lives. Instead of raising a battle cry of victory, they whimper in fear and never move confidently. From family bullies to labels at school and in the workplace for adults, they are harassed and tormented by peers and colleagues throughout their lives. They never recover.
They cannot see things through human eyes. They adhere to the feminine approach, which is suitable for a woman in terms of its emotional saturation, but destructive for a man. They are helpless in protecting and providing for themselves, not to mention their inadequacy in protecting the fairer sex. In groups, they shyly become invisible. Nobody knows who they are. They don’t talk. They feel unfulfilled in all areas of their lives.
Mothers who label their boys as effeminate and weak destroy their future. Perhaps it would have been more merciful for the mother to take an ax and chop off the boy’s head (not that we recommend it). She continues his suffering long after he leaves her nest.
Every boy is unique. When mothers recognize, value and highlight each child’s special qualities and abilities, these boys thrive. When they are dismissed with labels, they become hopeless and useless in society. Such rejection by the mother is much more serious than if the father calls the boy feminine.
The ugly process begins with the trauma and fear caused by this humiliation. Ridiculed for their fear instead of being taught to overcome it, they move into a shadow state. Then they start blaming others for everything. They have a strong need to swear and gossip.
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names always cut deeper”
Negative names with sexual connotations can have far-reaching consequences in children’s lives. Mothers who abandon their children in this way can ruin them for life.
One mother constantly called her son “my little gingerbread”. He suffered ridicule and torment because of this slander. When he turned seventeen, he killed himself. But she thought the term cute. Another mother called her son “two peas and half a pod.” She said this in public, at parties and other gatherings. These sexual names do not bring pleasure to the child.
Some mothers called their young daughters “squaw,” “my future whore,” or “hole.” Harmful even seemingly positive words: “He is a real womanizer” or “lady killer”. These words distort their little minds and lead them astray.
At a church festival, one mother casually introduced her son, who was halfway through the first stage of puberty, as “mummy’s little tentmaker.” She used that term instead of his name. He was so embarrassed that he never went to church again.
There are hundreds of such names. They all identify the child with gender and sexual needs. When they come from the mouths of those who are called by God to nurture and encourage their children and teach them compassion by example, they cause deep wounds. They are confused about their sexual identity. Fears and phobias cause them awkwardness and anxiety. Fearing further embarrassment, they resort to witchcraft because these sexual terms have cursed them with the spirit of temptation. Witchcraft usually begins with a “wish.” They want one thing or another to get them out of their predicament.
Children burdened with sexual nicknames become morbidly obsessed with sex – sometimes even killing others to get new sexual thrills. These names identify them with intercourse rather than giving them a true identity. The result is perversion and sexual deviation. This identification with adult sexual relationships, needs or fantasies opens the devil’s door. Ninety demons are released.
The first demon that begins to take power is cruelty. When names associate children with gender, they become unable to say no to rape. They may sexually molest other children. Names give them maternal approval to get rid of all sexual barriers. They are likely to suffer from the spirit of manipulation. They will manipulate others to fulfill their sexual fantasies, often using crude teasing.
They never know love – only lust. They are absorbed in themselves and resort to role-playing. They must please the flesh at all costs. They find flaws in everything to justify their sexual escape. They are mired in worry, self-pity, sympathy-seeking, and discontent. Perversion is activated by the spirit of cruelty. Compulsivity and addictions capture them. They are very afraid of exposure, but not enough to stop their sexual devotion.
These references to sexuality evoke fantasy, pornography, voyeurism, and self-condemnation. They will look at pictures of the same sex, judging themselves by the level of these models. They will want to destroy those they consider better than themselves. Contentment, peace and joy elude them. Relationships with Jesus are always viewed with distorted eyes.
Healing this type of rejection is impossible without intercessory prayer and without Jesus.
Copyright 2007 by Robert B. Scott
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