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10 Top Tips For Charming People With Your Charisma
Charisma is essentially intangible. Despite this, you will always know when you are in the presence of a charismatic person, because they have the ability to attract your attention in a way that someone without that personality trait would struggle to do. Charisma, like charm, is indefinable but you know when you’ve experienced it in action: you leave a meeting knowing you’ve been with someone extraordinary and special. In essence, they make you feel like you’re the most important person in the room. Compare and contrast with so many people you know who seem to be looking over your shoulder to see if they’re missing something across the room or if there’s someone more important to talk to.
I want to quote an article about the actor Will Smith that I came across during a recent trip to the United States:
“Spend seven seconds sitting across from Will Smith and you’ll find out why he’s a superstar. He’s charming and attentive, observant and intelligent without ever seeming to try. When he talks, he makes eye contact; when he laughs, it takes over his entire body. Still who seems happy, he didn’t end up where he is by accident: Smith is constantly in charge, on time and thinking about the future.”
Not everyone is lucky enough to be born charismatic, but with a little effort, you can develop it to a significant degree. Here are 10 tips to help you do just that.
1 Most communication is non-verbal. Often your body language says more than your words. Research has shown that only 7% of understanding comes from the listening part of a conversation. Therefore, it is absolutely essential to display positive body language. Your posture is so important – people who slouch or hunch their shoulders send negative messages. Smile and look people in the eye when you communicate. Nod frequently to show you’re listening and try to give them time to finish their sentences before jumping in with what you want to say.
2 Develop your communication skills: speak and write with style. Speaking with confidence is not a gift that everyone possesses but that everyone can develop. Tone, cadence, use of pauses, speed of speech; emphasizing certain words – sometimes repeating key words; lack of “uhs” and “ums” and “you know” and avoid jargon; varying the number of words in successive sentences; and, not least, vocabulary: all of these contribute to your speaking style, and many to your particular writing style. Think Barack Obama compared to John McCain. Neat writing can be achieved with practice and says a lot about you as a person. Challenge yourself to download dictionary.com and learn a new word every day and try to use it.
3 Develop an individual style of “being”: what you wear, how you behave, etc. This helps establish your “presence factor, the impact you make on the people you meet, the first impression you create.” It requires being particular about everything you do, whether it’s ordering a particular type of tea (eg Assam or Earl Grey) or coffee (double espresso macchiato instead of instant with milk), your favorite drink (double malt senlle Balvenie instead of “whisky”. ‘.) It means that you dress in style and style, not necessarily flash but always clean, shoes polished, hair done, nails clean. For women wearing flashy jewelry, for men an attractive tie will make people remember you.
4 Charismatic people convey the message that they are “authentic”: Authentic people are more likely to be trusted. Authentic people have the courage of their convictions. To be authentic, always follow through on your promises/actions – talk, don’t just talk. Follow up on the contacts, if you promise, the next day and think about who you know who might be a useful contact for the people you just met. Always deliver more than you promise, never disappoint. Believe in your cause – believe in yourself.
5 Make everyone you meet feel important. Be generous with praise without being sycophantic. Be warm but be genuine. Interact with people, find a point of connection with each and every person – make people feel good about themselves and you. Pick up an accent or spot a piece of jewelry and ask a question about it—it’ll break the ice when you’re both a little inhibited or nervous.
6 A sense of humor is essential, but never at anyone’s expense. Convey an image of love for life, of being fun, of being playful. Above all, don’t take yourself or life too seriously: Life can be depressing, but that doesn’t mean you have to be depressed. Don’t tell jokes unless you feel very confident in your delivery and remember the line.
7 Be a master of your domain: prepare your subject thoroughly and develop your experience, skills and knowledge. Work to eliminate areas of weakness. Don’t leave anything to chance. If possible, before a meeting or event, try to find out the guest list, see if there is anyone you know or want to know. Find out a little about them and impress them when you meet them and ask about one of their favorite interests or recent accomplishments.
8 Passion: Being passionate requires you to be enthusiastic, spontaneous, challenging and energetic. It’s what gets you excited and gets your adrenaline flowing. One thing that draws a crowd and makes someone the center of attention is a person who exhibits that kind of passion.
9 Persistence: Charismatic people don’t take no for an answer. Just like the legendary Pacman, if they can’t get around an obstacle, they go over, under or even through it. Giving up is not an option. Finding the “tipping point” is: finding the often small “tweak” that will take you through the threshold. Being persistent will impress the person who is being difficult or evasive.
10 Above all, have the courage of your convictions: be prepared to take intelligent and considered risks (within reason) to get where you want to be. Be prepared sometimes to step into the unknown: feel the fear of finding you, but do it anyway. Changing your life can be a lot of fun, and it can be so exciting and rewarding!
Challenge yourself to significantly increase your charisma card!
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